At a routine prenatal a few years ago, my doctor asked about my stress level and lifestyle, “So, do you do anything? Or are you just a Mom?”
It wasn’t the last time I was asked this question, but the more children I have accompanying me, the less I hear it! I don’t know if it’s a given that I’m busy or if they’re scared to ask?
Am I just a mom?
Many women have bought the idea that unless they’re using their gifts, talents, and abilities, independently of their homes and families, they’re wasting away their lives. Friends say they would love to be full-time homemakers, but they feel guilty because they think they’re squandering their education and skills.
I used to feel the same way.
My original plan was to complete college and after spending a few years pursuing my career, start a family.
But due to a few factors, we tweaked the plan a little: I decided that after having our perfect-sized family of three children, I’d attend grad school once my youngest was old enough to attend preschool and then finally start my career!
But I didn’t count on having a change-of-heart towards children, towards my home and family, towards homeschooling, etc. While I have invested time studying natural health, nutrition, and herbal medicine, these are all things which support my goal to minister to my family. Am I wasting my skills?
As a good friend would say, “Are you kidding me?” I can’t even begin to tell you the number of hours upon hours, likely months upon months, of reading, researching, interviewing, questioning, and investigating I’ve done as I’ve advocated for the health and care of my children, especially my son who is on the Autism Spectrum.
- I manage this home, plan menus, handle the finances, and meet the needs of seven people, while also assisting my husband with his company, by managing his Accounts Payable and Human Resources Dept. I’ve also assisted my husband in various forms of ministry over the years.
- I’ve taught three children how to read (even one who is diagnosed with Dysgraphia and Dyslexia), and I have hand-picked curriculum for each individual child.
- I love and encourage my husband and children, guide them, run errands for the whole family, implement all I can to keep them healthy, and nurse them back to health, when they fall ill.
- I have learned to thrive on less sleep because “Mama Radar” never turns off, as it continuously monitors the well-being of the little ones under my care.
As for my natural abilities and skills, I believe I’m equipped so that I can be the wife and Mama my husband and children need so they can flourish! Each of my children have a purpose–it’s no accident that God placed them in our family. I no longer think that my obsessive need to research is so I can work for the FBI (inside joke), but because that trait is something my children needed in a mother who would advocate for them, something my husband needs in a wife so that he can successfully run a company and minister to others. Everything about me was created for my current “career”: helping my family reach its potential.
I know that the above goes against mainstream thought. There was a time when I would’ve written a comment begging the writer not to lose herself in her family and children. And I would’ve believed I was doing her a favor.
But here’s the thing: I haven’t lost myself! I haven’t lost anything! I’m living out exactly who I am! No masks here! When folks asked, “Don’t you ever get “me time,” I finally realized that this IS “me time”!
I’m not saying I don’t appreciate an afternoon out with friends or even some time alone, but these years are passing quicker than I imagined, and I don’t want to look back and realize I missed precious moments and teachable opportunities. There will come a season when my responsibilities will change, as will the needs of my family.
For those of you struggling and wondering if you’re wasting your time, talents, and abilities by being a full-time mom and homemaker, I want to encourage you to know that you are not mindless! You are not wasting your days. You ARE a woman with a high calling!
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Rachel Q says
Great post! Thanks for sharing. I only wish more people understood this…but then again, I had to come to this understanding, too.
Jill says
This is our God given calling, my friends!
Thanks for sharing your heart today.
A Mamas Story says
Thanks, Rachel! So did I. 🙂
A Mamas Story says
Thanks, Jill!
Oona says
Love this! I tire of friends & family asking me how I can stand to be home & homeschool & don’t I need a break. (not that I don’t like an occasional break for adult/girlfriend conversations, just not everyday.)
Thanks for sharing!
A Mamas Story says
Thanks Oona!! And thanks for visiting. 🙂
Ashley Ditto says
Thank you for posting this, I really needed these words today!
welchesfamily says
So encouraging! God took a hold of my husband and I young before we ever got married at 20 and 20 :)(its coming up one year of marriage in Dec.) I stopped working after we got married and took over my role as a stay at home wife (and now soon to be mother!)It is a blessing like you wouldn’t believe for both my husband and I. I wish more young people would understand this and save themselves all the trouble that comes with the other. I could say so much more on this…
Thanks for this post and I hope we can reach more young people before they have to learn the hard way.
Anonymous says
Thank You, it so good to be reminded of the incredible value of a SAHM. Society tends to forget and it is easy to get discouraged. Last year my husband and I were applying for life insurance and our agent called me a few days after our meeting and asked(He seemed very embarassed to ask BTW) if there was anything additional that I did, because the company needed some justification for the amount of life insurance on me. I was completely shocked. Apparently they didn’t see the value that my family sees.
A Mamas Story says
Ashley, thank you. 🙂
A Mamas Story says
welchesfamily, congratulations on your new baby! I’m happy to hear you’re settling in well being at home. And you’re right! I look back and think we would’ve bypassed some heartache, if I’d understood then, the value of what I’m doing now.
A Mamas Story says
To Anonymous, We had the opposite with our life insurance. Now that we’re homeschooling, my value increased, because if something were to happen to me, my husband would have to either hire someone or cover his current income. I was expecting a similar situation to yours. Thanks for visiting and sharing. 🙂
Danielle says
Well written, and very encouraging. We are swimming against the tide of culture and find others going in the same direction is a breath of fresh air when the current gets strong. If you were merely justifying an easygoing existence while your husband slaved away, then I would have expected some ranting. Instead I find words spoken from the heart of one who knows the struggles and joys of a dying entity–the keeper at home.
Thank you.
Hannah Guillory says
Thank you for sharing this. It’s so easy to get discouraged and be affected by the mainstream culture’s notion that what we do as SAHMs isn’t of great value. Even if I don’t particularly NEED that “me” time that they always talk about, because everyone’s always talking about it, I find that I get grumpy, saying, “I don’t ever get me time!” when I didn’t even really want it in the first place! I find that it’s not even always from people who don’t value motherhood. There’s this trend now where SAHMs laud themselves and their role, saying things like, “It’s the most important job in the world!” and thus, as people who do that job, we somehow deserve special treatment. This is not “the most important job in the world.” It’s motherhood. It’s what we are. Once we stop comparing ourselves to other people, we’ll stop acting like we are owed “time off” and “vacation,” as though it’s comparable to a profession.
A Mamas Story says
Danielle,
Glad to read you were encouraged. 🙂 Thank you for visiting and sharing. 🙂
A Mamas Story says
Hannah, you bring up some excellent points! Thanks for visiting and sharing. 🙂
Emily Cook says
“Many women have bought the idea that unless they’re using their gifts, talents, and abilities, independently of their homes and families, they’re wasting away their lives. “
You are so right about this. And even as an at-home mom, it is easy to feel like the things done in ADDITION to serving my family somehow have more value than the ones done FOR them. (book publishing or writing or leading groups at church or whatever.)
It is amazing to see the way MY gifts match up with my FAMILIES needs! It’s almost like God intended that! (ha, of course he did!)
Emily
http://www.weakandloved.com
A Mamas Story says
Emily,
“It is amazing to see the way MY gifts match up with my FAMILIES needs! It’s almost like God intended that! (ha, of course he did!)”
Yes, that was the thing I had to get a hold of! 🙂
Thanks for visiting. 🙂
Erin@TheHumbledHomemaker says
I love this post, Sara Elizabeth! Thanks for sharing your heart!
A Mamas Story says
Thanks, Erin!! You made my day. 🙂
Zanni says
The all too familiar question. I am a Mum! (exclamation mark at the end) and I shout it from the roof tops because we are doing the most important job in the world. And naturally the more time you spend with your precious little people, the more nourished they become. I am blessed to be Just a Mum, as well as doing some paid employment at home. I haven’t missed a beat of my daughter’s precious life thus far, and it has been a joy watching her grow. I’m glad I found your blog ths evening. Zanni. http://heartmama.net
Jessica Heights says
It seems that these days, many women are able to do things as a hobby to use their skills…such as blogging while looking after their families! 🙂
A Mamas Story says
Zanni, what a blessing to be able to supplement your family’s income while also being able to stay at home. 🙂 Thanks for sharing and visiting. 🙂
A Mamas Story says
Jessica, always lovely to see you here. 🙂 And yes, I do believe you have an excellent point. 🙂
Thanks for visiting and sharing. 🙂
AmberRay says
Thank you and praise God! I needed to hear this. I am constantly feeling this way.
A Mamas Story says
Amber, I’m happy to hear it was an encouragement for you. 🙂 Thanks for visiting and blessings to you. 🙂
Gail Purath says
I’m a grandma now, but I can’t tell you how often I had people say similar things to me through the years when I was keeping our home and home schooling and involving myself in serving others from my home.
“What do you do all day?” was the one that seemed crazy to me. Most out-of-the home jobs are less demanding than homemaking, yet this question seemed to make sense to people!! Thanks for your thorough handling of this subject. And bless you for what you do in your home. Gail (BibleLoveNotes.com)
A Mamas Story says
Gail, I enjoy your site and it’s an honor to have you here. 🙂 Thanks for your feedback and encouragement. 🙂 When I’m a grandmother, I hope to look back and see that I successfully ran the course. 🙂
suzyhomemaker says
I love how you worded it “me time”. I totally agree.
A Mamas Story says
Suzy, thanks for stopping by! Yes I wish I’d gotten a hold of that concept a few years sooner, but glad I did finally come to the realization. 🙂
Laura says
Thanks so much for this! I really needed to hear it. Every day it seems I’m thinking at the end of the night, “I didn’t get anything done today!!” But really, I got the important thing done of being with and caring for my daughter, and the rest can wait!
The Life Of Faith says
This is wonderful! Thank you for sharing! I am about to have our first child and this is an issue that I battle in my mind…how to use what God has given me! I like your perspective:)
Stopping by from the WLWW link up!
https://the-life-of-faith.blogspot.com/
A Mamas Story says
Laura, I know what you’re saying! I struggle with that, too. 🙂 I think every Mama does. 🙂
A Mamas Story says
Faith,
Thanks for visiting and congrats on your new little one. 🙂 I wish I’d gotten a hold of some of these principles ten years ago. 🙂
Blessings to you and and thanks for visiting. 🙂
Becca says
As a mom who went back to the office when my baby was 3 months old, I fully support your choice. Caring for other people without pay is a noble and loving thing to do! I enjoy being an employed mom, but it’s easy to see it’s not the right lifestyle for everybody.
I’d like to suggest that when someone asks, “And what do you do?” you say something like, “I am a home-school teacher, Accounts Payable manager, and autism caregiver.” After all, this work that you do would have those titles if you were doing it for someone outside your family–so get the credit you deserve! That’s when you’re talking to someone polite enough to have asked an open-ended question–I have no idea how to respond politely to someone as rude as that doctor!
A Mamas Story says
Great input, Becca! Thanks for visiting. 🙂
Angell @ Passionate and Creative Homemaking says
Just letting you know that this post was among the top 3 most viewed linkups from last week’s linky party! I will be featuring you this Thursday! Come grab your featured button!
Jacqueline@ Deeprootsathome.com says
Oh, WOW! Sara Elizabeth, this is just so important!! I would like to feature this post tomorrow on the ‘EOA’ link-up. Excellent!
God has it all figured out way before we do! I would have been a working Mom had not the Lord kept me from having children until way later. I may never have known the blessing I was missing! Thank you 🙂
A Mamas Story says
Wow, Angell! Thanks for letting me know. 🙂 I hope this post was an encouragement to whoever needed it. I’ll be sure to grab a featured button. 🙂
A Mamas Story says
Jacqueline, it’s an honor to have you here, as always. 🙂 You are a blessing. 🙂
farmlife chick says
Great post! Could not agree more!!! Glad I found your blog!
A Mamas Story says
Thanks! And welcome, farmlife chick!
Judith says
A great post. I didn’t do too much while my children were little outside of being a support group leader and writing the newsletter. That was a lot less work than blogging, lol 🙂
I don’t regret it one single bit. It was a blessing.
Esther E Hawkins says
Such an encouraging post! I have talked to so many mommies who say that they go to work to get a break! Even though we have our moments, I can honestly say that there is absolutely nothing else I would rather be doing than staying at home with my 3 children. My husband is so supportive and works very hard to provide for us. We just decided to homeschool – something I never thought I would do – but I love it. I’m glad I don’t have to miss a moment. These years go by so fast!
Sarah Sugden says
So true! It is a lot of work to be “just a mom.” It is a great practice to list out all the responsibilities you actually take care of, and see how much you really are doing. I got my Bachelor’s degree before I became a mom, and I never even really considered being a stay-at-home mom. I just figured I’d work, like my mom did. Luckily, my husband wanted a stay-at-home mom for our children. I was so glad to quit the job I hated and stay in the home! I am grateful for people like you who spread the truth about the jobs we do in the home, and to take the risk of not making that extra income we could be making outside the home.