“Mama, you look happy!”
Hearing my first-born say this was so sweet to my ears, until I realized the surprise in her voice.
After all, I enjoy homeschooling my children, planning their meals, coming up with creative ideas for family time, etc. How on earth is it possible that one of my most perceptive children questioned my happiness?
A few years ago, my cousin, Catie, passed away. She was only in her late 20’s and pregnant with her third child when she was diagnosed with a very rare cancer. And just last week, another young Mama passed away, after a sudden illness that, from what I understand, came out of nowhere.
Since becoming a wife and mama, there have been times when I’ve been concerned about what would happen to my children and me, if we lost Andrew. And then I wonder how they would fare if something happened to me. Would my husband know just how hydrophobic our second son is? Would he know how to handle one of our daughters’ night terrors? Can he tell when our oldest son has hit a wall because the letters are jumbled in his head? How sensitive and vulnerable our oldest is, even though she can show a strong exterior? And how would he respond to the baby’s needs?
All this time, it never occurred to ask how my children would remember me, if I were gone. Would they remember me as a joyful mother, or a cranky woman who only endured the tasks of Motherhood out of duty?
During my fifth pregnancy, I was extremely sick, and while things improved a little after the birth, the troubles continued. Without going into details, it was a scary time for our family, and we wondered if I was going to be okay.
And things fell into perspective.
I realized that while my children needed me to be on top of their school work, to manage the home, to plan nutritious meals and snacks, I was lacking in the little things their hearts desired. I was so caught up in home management and dare I say, living up to others’ expectations, that I missed out on what my children really needed.
I’ve heard grownups who recall the cleanest of houses, spectacular dinners, and a well-managed home when they were children, but who don’t remember a lot of love—few to no hugs and kisses, no playful interaction, no real family time. And they say they wish they could’ve traded the immaculate house for more loving interaction and time with their parents.
Our second daughter, at age 4 |
So, yes, while the house needs to be vacuumed three times a week thanks to our long-haired Border Collie mix, our second daughter needs to be tucked in with story time every night.
While the nutritious snacks are important, our oldest son still needs to be comforted and reminded of how intelligent he is.
While the dust needs to be dealt with, our oldest daughter needs extra one-on-one time, just the two of us.
Even though he is three and becoming more independent, our second son needs me to rock him to sleep every now and then and interact in the latest car adventure he’s set up in his bedroom (notice I wrote interact--the simple glance won’t cut it).
And of course, the baby needs me to remain close, which may mean he rides piggy back in the Ergo while I’m folding laundry.
My oldest and second sons, around ages 1 and 6 |
And even though my children’s hearts must be cultivated, my husband still needs me to be a wife.
I’ve always wanted my children to know that I have a relationship with Christ—to know that their Mama is a Believer. And I think somewhere along the way, I got caught up in thinking that this, along with taking care of the mandatory physical needs, was enough.
But what of this image of a Christian wife and mama, if they don’t know that I adore and relish my calling? Or that it is an absolute delight to minister to them and that I feel so honored to be their Mama? That their simply being here brings me joy?
My darling daughters, around ages 4 and 7. |
So, I’m eager to learn from the other Mamas out there. How do you work to meet these unique needs for each of your little ones?
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Candice Wilkinson says
Oh this is an area that I struggle with. Laundry needs to be done but little one needs cuddles. Honestly if my mother didn’t help me I would be lost. Thankfully her help is there so I can have a clean house and give my kiddo the attention she needs.
Candice
http://www.lillythroughthevalley.blogspot.com
A Mamas Story says
Ah, Candice, the struggle doesn’t stop. Yes, laundry most certainly needs to be done, and it’s so great that your mother is there to help. I hope that I’ll be able to help my own daughters and daughters-in-law when they have children.
Blessings to you, and thanks for visiting.
Steph says
The on the spot hugs, kisses and I love yous go a very long way. My husband and I employ these at the drop of a dime all day every day.
Tonya says
Love this post. I struggle with this a ton. It’s something I am working on. The dust can wait. God bless!
http://Www.abundantjoy04.blogspot.com
Anonymous says
Ya know, until this post I had decided that when my daughters are grown I was going to let them see how much I struggled to keep a clean home and manage EVERYTHING. I wanted them to see what I went thru and finally appreciate what all I had done for them. Then I saw the post of how grateful the lady was that her mother helped her and I realized that I was mentally “in-the-future” punishing my daughters for my mother not helping me with my home and I lived for the day when they would realize what all I did by not being around. But in all honesty and reality, how would I know this if I’m not around? Thank you for this post and an “a ha” moment” that I will always remember. I now plan to be there for my daughters,(and sons)when they have their own homes and families. I was raised by the concept that learning the hard way is learning the best way. I now have realized that is not so. Thank you for this post. It truely was a blessing for me and my family.
Carol says
Great post. You have hit on the important priority in mothering. God bless your family.
meditationsandbread.com says
Finding and expressing the joy in motherhood has been a struggle for me. It’s really an area I can use improvement in. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one, and to have reaffirmed that it is important!
Jennifer says
Such a blessing. Thank you for sharing your heart with other Mama’s! I’m getting ready to send both my boys off to college in August and am looking back–and ahead–with joy, but some tears as well. For those young Mamas raising little ones: hold them, listen to them, look into their eyes when they have a story to tell you, and enjoy each age. When you make a mistake and act in ways other than you “should” have, rely on the wisdom and forgiveness of God to sort it out. If their old enough, talk to them about it. Be real. Give them, and yourself, the grace to get through the difficult times, trusting God to be the One who is always faithful and loving.
Jacqueline@ Deeprootsathome.com says
Sara Elizabeth,
I’m just stopping by to say ‘Hi’!
Thank you for such a candid post. We all struggle with joy at one time or another, and with Christ we can change!
I love that you come and link-up with us at Deep Roots At Home! Love all you share!
Judith says
Sara Elizabeth this was a warm post!! I can become so tired and overwhelmed that it seems impossible to smile. You are right and thank you for the reminder to be joyful and to enjoy these precious fleeting years. You have a beautiful blog!! Thanks for linking up with me this week at WholeHearted Home.