You should just be thankful for the children you have.
Your feeling sad is only dishonoring God.
Your baby is in heaven now. You should be happy.
It’s not your fault.
……but you don’t know what I did.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. (Psalm 34: 18-19)
While I knew friends who miscarried, I didn’t understand the guilt many of them dealt with. I also wasn’t aware of the judgment, whether real or perceived, that they felt from others.
Whenever a friend told me that she felt she was at fault for losing her baby, I told her it wasn’t and even wondered how she could wonder such a thing…until I felt that same overwhelming and all-consuming guilt myself.
And while I’ve had a few “chemical pregnancies” in which I got faint positives at home, only to start a period a few days later, it didn’t hit as hard as when I had a loss after a confirmed pregnancy.
I simply wasn’t prepared for the physical, emotional, and mental toll it would have on me, not only then but on future pregnancies, nor was I prepared for the isolation I would feel and the shame of what I thought I did to cause the miscarriage.
Each woman is different and handles loss in her own way, but for the woman struggling with feelings of guilt or judgment, I open up and get real about how pregnancy loss impacted me, my family, and many other women who are afraid to speak up.
Please visit Modern Alternative Pregnancy, where I share my story and the story of other women.
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