I was crying. She was crying. The math sheet before us had tears stains on it. I wasn’t sure how else to help explain it to her, and I could see her tears were a little more then frustration. She was struggling with love right now. I was struggling with love right now. I asked her to go to her room, and I crawled under the heated blanket in the living room. Loving isn’t easy sometimes.
It sounds horrible, but I was struggling to love.
Hear me out- I know I loved her. I know she loved me. But the action of loving was hard right now. The past few weeks with math assignments had been a battle of wills, and now it was just turning into a battle of tears. I wasn’t sure how I was suppose to teach her – and I wasn’t sure how to love her through this. I knew it was way more then a struggle of doing the math – it was a battle of wills. Two strong ones. I was seeing myself in her, and I didn’t like it.
That is why I was struggling to love- because I have a hard time loving me.
It wasn’t her. As a mama, you know know those moments. We love them, but we don’t like the attitude or behavior we see in them. However, I was struggling because I knew it was attitudes and behaviors I had seen in myself. Things that she had learned from me. In just seven short years, she had become a mini version of me- but it wasn’t all the great characteristics I wanted to pass down.
It is real easy to love- even when it is our kids – when things are easy. It is a lot harder to love when things are difficult- even with our kids. How do we love in these moments?
- We turn back to the cross- True love starts at the cross. I remember that I am just a sinner. That it is only by the grace of God that I am what I am. That is only a miracle of Christ that I am even here, doing math assignments with this little blue eyed beauty that calls me Mama. I remember He has given me grace, that I need to give myself grace- and that I need to bestow a little grace.
- We take some space- Sometimes, in these moments when they are trying our very last patients, we need to take some space. It might be a trip to the grocery store when Daddy gets home, taking a hot bath with a cup of hot tea, or just going for a walk in the neighborhood. It might even be to send them to play in there bedroom while you crawl under a heated blanket and cry it out. Take some time- take some space and clear your head. You will deal with the moment better when your head is clear.
- Apologize – When all is said and done, there might need to be some apologies that you need to give. Yes, she might have acted out- but why? What was your response? What has been your response in the past? Confess your wrongs- and make it a teachable moment of how to say “I’m sorry” and how to ask for forgiveness. Then, go to scripture, and together, work on the right responses. Memorize verses together.
Yes Mama, our kids are going to be a lot like us. It is bound to happen as we invest our lives into them. Sometimes, they are going to show us our worst- and that is going to make it harder to love like we should. Take some space, breath, turn back to the cross, and then point them back there too.
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