Regardless of family size, children’s ages, or general stage of life, all moms get weary. I’m certainly no exception to that!
I’ve also found myself losing joy in the home with my children, fulfilling so many roles than feels humanly possible. When this happens, it’s because I’ve pushed aside three crucial things.
There’s a difference between just being a bit tired as a mom and being wearily joyless, though. I’ve felt tired and worn out, yet still happy to be at home with my children.
1. Quiet Downtime
I know this is easier said than done for most of us! But hear me.
After my second child was born, my husband had recently become pastor of the small church we started with friends and fellow believers. He was working his full-time job and also enrolled in graduate school to earn his master’s degree.
Busy? Yes, you could say he was busy.
And I was dealing with some horrible anger and anxiety issues while ending the day with our two young children. Alone and irritable, I felt like I couldn’t keep my composure no matter how hard I tried or how much I prayed.
Then, in an attempt to be a more involved daddy, my husband started taking our children out for “Daddy Dates.” This allowed me to have some time to myself. Though I didn’t realize it right away, that time pulled me from the constant, nagging feelings of I’m gonna lose it.
Now when I start to feel an irritable anxiety tugging at me, I reconsider our schedule. Almost every time this has happened, I’ve missed my quiet Saturday time for a few weeks and need to recharge. Just putting those two things together often helps me regroup.
Maybe for you a quiet bath at night would be perfect or just a peaceful cup of tea every afternoon. Whatever it is, that quiet downtime needs to be guarded!
2. Sharing the Workload
Moms can be a bit, oh, shall we say, particular about how we like things done, can’t we? We rearrange the dishwasher, resort the laundry, and fiddle with the side dish an older child might help prepare. Sometimes we might even just take on the domestic workload ourselves and forget to put younger able bodies to work.
I’ve caught myself doing this on more than one occasion when I’ve realized that my joy in the home is gone.
Shockingly, my children can’t read my mind. They are more prone to forget what needs to be done and don’t feel the same sort of anxiety that I do when the floor, table, or couch is cluttered. When I start to feel frazzled about messes or jobs that need done, I have many times realized it was because I hadn’t clearly explained how I needed help.
When I stop and calmly (or as calmly as I can in the moment!) point out the clutter, messes, or jobs that are crying out for attention and specifically explain what needs done, my family can help me. Praising my children for their careful work when the jobs are done goes far to make them more apt to help the next time, as well.
It’s so important for my children and me to remember that I can’t manage an entire household by myself.
3. Laughing with My Family
A good laugh goes a long way when you’re grumpy.
Yes, there are times when I need to be alone to get my joy back. There are also times when I need tangible help around the house to feel relieved of my grumpiness.
But there are times I need to choose to change the atmosphere in my home and instigate some good laughs with my family. That might mean turning on some loud super-charged bluegrass hymns. I love watching my little ones dance as fast as their chubby feet can move. Maybe we drop formal schoolwork for an hour and read a fun book together, play a game, or go run around outside.
When we find some way to laugh together and enjoy each other’s company, my own reserves are fueled. I can start to feel like I actually have something to give again. It might take creativity, spontaneity, or just plain silliness, but a good giggle is so very effective!
Can you recognize healthy habits that help you keep the joy in your home?
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Kendall Patton says
These are right up my alley. Although Monkey Boy is only still a toddler, when I can help him help me do tjings, it all goes a little better. Same goes for me asking Hun to help. The more specific I am, the better things go.
The same is Definitely true about quiet me time. I’m reorganizing after our most recent birth, in order to get that time and be ever more productive again 🙂
Kristen says
Monkey Boy… I love it! 😉 Life with a toddler and a baby is SO busy. Downtime can be crucial, wherever you can find it!
Lisa @ This Pilgrim Life says
Not having down time, in some form, really affects me too. I definitely get edgy and struggle with joy when I do not have a quiet time to recharge. Being out of our routine for extended periods of time, having a messy house (due to a busy season or ongoing project) for more than a week or so really starts to get to me too. When that happens, I do a day of cleaning and purging to regain a sense of order in our home and in my mind.
Kristen says
Ah yes, isn’t purging therapeutic? We did a big purge over my husband’s Christmas break and it was wonderful! I didn’t completely finish, but so much anxiety was relieved just by getting rid of things we didn’t need to keep anymore.
Courtney says
Wow…this is EXACTLY what I needed. Thank you for this post.
Kristen says
You’re welcome, Courtney! I was reminding myself of many of these things yesterday, too.
Melanie says
This really hit home. Currently we have a newly two year old and an almost four month old. Daily life can get a bit hectic and loud some days with fussiness and tantrums. Sometimes I struggle just to get the normal stuff done when my arms are full with two kiddos. I love them to death, but things have been extra challenging and lots of normal tasks get pushed back too often. I know downtime is HUGE for me, and can completely change my outlook when I have time to sit and not have to be ready to jump up at any moment to calm tears.
Kristen says
You know Melanie, I’m convinced that one of the busiest times in a momma’s life is when there is a baby and a toddler but no older children to help. So much rests on you alone! We have six now, our youngest being a newborn, but I have so much more help and it truly eases the burden of homemaking quite a bit. I hope you can enjoy some downtime very soon! (I could use some myself 😉 )
Mama2eight says
Naps and early bedtimes both help in getting some down time. Whenever I tried to get up before them, they would sense it and they would be up too. So, even though so many say the morning is best, for me it’s after they all get to bed and to sleep.
What I really want, is to be able to go sit on a rock. Just me, my Bible and maybe my journal. Too bad I don’t know of anything like that where I live, unless it’s on my roof. Up a ladder in a skirt? No… Oh well…
My children now range in age from 34-12. Having my women’s Bible study helps.
Kristen says
Always appreciate your insight, experience, and humor, Mama!
Hannah says
Great points! I need to remember these when I don’t want to feel joyful. It seems like most of the time, my own self pity gets in the way of joy.
Sara Elizabeth Dunn says
I’m sure other moms can relate. 🙂 It can be hard, especially on tough days. Thanks so much for visiting.
Marci @ Stone Cottage Adventures says
These are very wise words! Thank you for sharing them at Tuesdays with a Twist! I’d like to feature this post today -Marci @ Stone Cottage Adventures
Sara Elizabeth Dunn says
Oh what an honor, Marci! Thanks so much! 🙂 And thank you for visiting. I absolutely love your blog name, BTW.