“I guess I’m not as strong as you.”
Hearing the embarrassment in her voice broke my heart as I received the call announcing her baby’s arrival. What was supposed to be a moment of joy and excitement, turned into a moment of negative self-assessment and shame.
She’d just become a mother, a title she’d longed for since she was a little girl. But somewhere through the years, it became a type of competition with other women, a competition of who could be the strongest, who could be the toughest, who could birth a baby best.
Where have we come as women, when the most natural part of our identities–and dare I say, the most sacred part of who we are–has become a competition: a standard we must meet, or we’re not deemed worthy enough to be “part of the club”? And this woman, who longed to be part of that club, now felt she would never achieve membership.
Her words hit hard, and I immediately wondered if I’d been one of those people who had contributed to her thinking that there was only one ideal way of giving birth.
Have natural birth advocacy groups gone to extremes of avoiding interventions, that instead of empowering women, they’ve unintentionally become just as guilty as the surgeon who tells them interventions are an absolute necessity to give birth?
To read the rest, please visit Modern Alternative Pregnancy, where I’m contributing today.
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The post was spectacular!
Thank you. 🙂
I desperately wanted a natural birth and went to Bradley classes, chose a midwife, etc. I ended up 1)being induced 2)desperately wanting an epidural, and 3)a c-section. I felt like a failure for some time and was kind of embarassed that I had made such a big deal about wanting a natural birth and then couldn’t do it. Now, afer having my second baby via c-section (no, I didn’t want a vbac) I realize that it was really the best option for me. God knew what would be best for me, and I must say that the birth of my second child was so much less stressful and scary. I knew exactly what would happen, and when. This turns out to be perfect for my naturally anxious, and extremely private nature. Yes, I have a scar across by body, but I didn’t have to endure the agony of labor or have a million people looking at me “down there”. Lol. I can now see that God gave me what was best, even though I originally thought I knew best.
You bring up a good point: I can now see that God gave me what was best, even though I originally thought I knew best.
Those can be painful lessons, but it usually helps us in the future.
I’m happy to hear you have peace over your birth. You’re most certainly not a failure. 🙂
Blessings to you, and thanks for visiting.
I can relate to this. I’m due my first in November and while my ideal birth situation is all natural, I’ve already had to undergo some minor interventions which did provoke a feeling of guilt at first. Truth be told, I have been more distracted by not wanting to hand over control to my care team (they are great, it’s just an innate distrust of the medical system as a whole) than really being open to what’s most beneficial for baby and I as individuals with our own needs. But I’m learning, and becoming more openminded and less judgmental of myself each day!
http://www.theblossomingbump.com