When you say, “It’s easy,” your dyslexic child hears, “I’m dumb.” Dyslexia in children is common, but how we react to this condition makes a huge difference in how that child will feel about themselves.
Words impact the heart by shattering it or strengthening it. It goes without saying that telling a child she is dumb would shatter her heart. Yet, would it surprise you to learn that words we consider innocuous or even helpful could do the same?
How To React To Dyslexia In Children
My dining room table has felt discouraged tears fall from a child struggling to understand how to read the simplest of sentences. Words mastered last week are now foreign when placed in a string that is supposed to have a meaning. Finally, the words are decoded only for the meaning to stay hidden. After what seems like hours, the sentence is finally read and understood. Yet, not before my child has full understanding that every other child her age could read and understand it with ease.
This is dyslexia in children.
It’s easy. But not to her. Each struggle feels like someone whispering, “You must be really stupid if this is easy and you still don’t get it.” When I say, “Try harder, you know this…it’s easy.” That whisper becomes a giant roar. It’s not easy to her. A fragile heart needs little cause to fracture.
Children with dyslexia know the endgame is reading fluently. Each step they stumble through can feel like only a half step toward a successful end. The dyslexic child’s huge victories are disguised as small successes if they get noticed at all. It may appear small but when my daughter stopped writing her letters backward, could remember what all the letters and numbers looked like, read sentences without tears, and showed a desire to read; those were huge victories. Huge victories covered by the fact she is in 4th grade and reading at a 1st-grade level. Slow progress isn’t seen as progress at all when we look at the big picture. Without the confetti and balloons, these small steps still walk toward feeling dumb and discouraged.
I cry when I have to read instructions. This is dyslexia in children.
For years, I covered a disability that I didn’t know existed. I developed workarounds that made others think of my difficulties as quirks. I’m not the quirky lady who can’t put together a desk with instructions or find her way around the block without getting lost. I am the lady who didn’t understand she had a learning issue.
Honor roll, high IQ, avid reader, writer, and quick wit, all covered a mild learning issue that caused me grief for years. It was not until my daughter was diagnosed with dyslexia that I realized my “quirks” were not the result of a ditzy redhead who didn’t follow instructions. The reading specialist asked me if I knew my little quirks were signs of dyslexia. I had no idea. I read up on it and it was like a veil lifted.
Until that moment and even times since, I hear those whispers telling me I am dumb. Opening a set of instructions or following a map was like walking right into an emotionally abusive situation. All my talents hid under my difficulties until all I could feel was dumb. For years, I played this off as funny. If you sit next to me as I make a wrong turn you will likely think of it as one of my endearing ditzy ways. If you placed a hidden camera in my car when I make a wrong turn you will see tears of frustration. I became a master at working around it or laughing instead of crying. My interest in vocabulary drew from my inability to spell. My flippant attitude of allowing someone else to read instructions or just to pay someone to put it together is the result of hours of me beating myself up because I cannot follow what is written. My issues are mild but when it comes out, the impact hurts.
I know all too well what it is like to stare at words and not understand what they are trying to tell me. I understand the impact of someone saying, “It’s easy,” when putting together a desk or installing a printer takes me twice the time as anyone else. Instruction manuals stained with tears, maps thrown aside, and cruel emails when my article contains a mistake, discourage a fragile heart. I don’t need someone making me feel stupid. I do that on my own. Some things are not easy for me. I assume some things are not easy for you. Imagine if those things were common and you were judged harshly for it. Now, think of your child struggling to read “CAT” after hearing you tell her it is easy. You see, she thinks it is easy to everyone but her. Begging the question, “What is wrong with me?”
How to Encourage Children With Dyslexia
My heart breaks when I see my child struggling to perform tasks she believes to be easy for everyone but her. I can see it on her face, I can almost hear the dialogue in her head telling her she is dumb. I can tell when she can’t try harder. When I can’t try harder, I often give up. She is one brave girl for not giving up when she can’t try any harder. Sometimes she needs me to allow her to give up for just a moment to focus on her talents. As children with dyslexia grow older, the race to the finish line increases and pressure mounts. The dyslexic child needs to know you are willing to walk that race beside her. If she couldn’t read “CAT” yesterday but she can today then that is worth a high-five not a heavily sighed “finally!”
Dyslexia in children is difficult to face alone. Your child is facing a difficult road filled with discouragement. You have the privilege and opportunity to encourage her fragile heart through every slow and steady step to the finish line. It is in these moments when you hold your child’s heart, that parenting is perfected.
More Dyslexia Resources And Tips:
5 Favorite Things For Dyslexia
Learning To Read Again: Our Story Of Dyslexia
Less stress, more peace.
A simple, 5 day series with clear, actionable steps you can begin today to become a more peaceful and joyful mom.
Richele
Richele is a homeschooling mom with on the job training in grading math, teaching phonics, and cleaning up glitter, in between making dinner and folding laundry. Her desire to encourage moms led her to create the blog, Under the Golden Apple Tree. Her dreams of hex color codes and love of fonts led to her to create her design business, Crisp Apple Design.
Follow Me:
Thank you so much for the reminder. As one who has a son with what seems to be dyslexia, it is a post close to home. Could you PM me with any suggestions of things you have found to encourage your daughter (or yourself)? My son is in his last year of elementary (5th here) and it is so hard to see his struggles!
Hi Heather!
I am happy the post was encouraging to you. My first suggestion is to get your son tested. A firm diagnosis will help him understand that he just learns differently and is not learning disabled.
To encourage my daughter, I showed her a lists of famous dyslexics and when she saw Walt Disney she was thrilled. Now, I don’t know how accurate the list was…but it did serve to help her understand she has every reason to know she can achieve. My husband took her to a Casting Crowns concert and the lead singer mentioned he was dyslexic…and she was thrilled…neither knew this before going. In addition, I try to encourage and provide outlets for her natural talents. I want her to have successes to cling to. 🙂
What a touching story it is hard to watch our children struggle with anything. She sounds like a strong little girl. Thanks for shedding light on this for others to see.
Thank you for this. Our daughter was diagnosed with dyslexia one year ago and while I’ve learned so much through the ups and downs of homeschooling her, it’s never easy to understand a disability I don’t struggle with myself. I know I made so many mistakes with my daughter early on, but I’ve tried to learn from them and be more patient and understanding. Reading about it from an adult’s perspective is more helpful than you know. Thanks so much for sharing!
You are amazing! I loved reading this! I have struggled with dyslexia all of my life and alway felt stupid and avoided many “public” thing/events thinking I was not good enough or smart enough.. Struggled all through school wondering what was wrong with me. I didn’t realize that I had dyslexia until I was in high school when’s grandma sat me down and opened up to me that she felt I was struggling.. Later realizing she kept coming to my parents telling them that I was dislexic and them not wanting to face the reality.. Your word touched me and I hope that this will help many other people and their children. It scares me for my daughter sack because I never want her to experience what I have going through life dealing with dislexia.
I love what you wrote. My son is dyslexic and I found out right before he started kindergarten. We tried public school but the happy boy I knew was being replaced by someone else. We made it through to first grade but I could not face another year of his unhappiness and pulled him out to homeschool not long after. He is back to his wonderful self and I let him go at his own pace. He will never hear “try harder” in this house, just “way to go and we are proud of you!” Thanks for writing about this topic that is near and dear to my heart!
I enjoyed the story. I was blessed with 3 children of which 2 are dyslexic (my oldest daughter and then my son, the youngest). Their dyslexia is so different , but similar in many ways. It was very hard for me (not being dyslexic myself) to imagine how someone could look at a word, try to sound it out, and completely make the wrong sound for the letter that they were looking at. Needless to say it has been a learning experience for me over the last 10 years and the learning continues daily. What really is difficult for me is trying to explain to teachers or other people that are completely clueless about dyslexia just how real it is (many believe that the magic light bulb will just go off one day). It is kind of funny really that no matter how you explain it to them they just have no idea unless they personally have experienced dyslexia. Needless to say, I continue my quest to explain all of the problems that my children face daily as they journey through school in hopes to educate their teachers so they may one day have a better understanding of such a complex thing as dyslexia. My advice to parents of dyslexic children is to continue to press forward and continue to encourage your child through the ups and downs.
Angela
This is such an importantpost.
I am tutoring a little girl with dyslexia this summer and it has been more about building her confidence and self esteem than teaching spelling to be honest. The school has chipped away at her self worth. I think the main misconception about dyslexia is that it means people are dumb; they are not! Thank you for this post. #BrillBlog posts
AMEN!! As a mom to children with a variety of special needs, I totally agree with you on the confidence. What I’ve seen is when their confidence is low, they essentially “check out” before really giving something a try.