Ah! The “S” word. Whenever I mention that we homeschool, the uninitiated will ask, “But what about socialization?”
I worked in early childhood education for several years and majored in ECE, before changing majors somewhere in my final years. Back then I was a firm believer in a model in which children needed to be with their peers in order to become fully functioning adults. I even believed children were better off under the care of their teachers rather than their parents, a belief many fellow teachers held to, as well.
When my oldest was seven months old, she suddenly became clingy and fussy. My response? Better get her into Mom’s Day Out! All of my experience in ECE, led me to believe she was becoming too dependent on me and needed to be able to function independently. So I immediately started locating centers in the area that would take a baby so young.
Now I look back and think, “Wow! Imagine that! A seven month old baby who wanted her Mama!”
Before we had children, my husband suggested homeschooling. To my embarrassment, my response was anything but submissive! In fact, I’m pretty sure I raised my voice, if not shouted to him in the car, “There’s NO WAY I’m homeschooling my children! Do you have ANY idea what that would DO to them? They’ll have NO social skills whatsoever! Are you INSANE?”
I’m also pretty sure that Proverbs 25:24 was going through his head as he was likely looking for a way to safely exit the vehicle while driving.
Back to my daughter…..
We enrolled our oldest into Mom’s Day Out until she was two. To satisfy my husband’s interest, I gave homeschooling a shot the following year, using a simple preschool curriculum. But when my husband started having his own doubts regarding socialization and when I found out I was pregnant with our third child, I started doubting myself and figured sending her to preschool would be easier. In retrospect, it was actually more stressful!
When it came time to enter K4 something didn’t feel right. But since we wanted her to attend the same private Christian school for K-12, we also wanted to ensure she had a spot, and being in preschool meant a guaranteed opening for enrollment. But we weren’t getting peace over sending her back another year. There was nothing wrong with the school, but our hearts were changing.
So, I began to read even more about homeschooling, especially socialization.
Out of everything I checked out, bought, paid money for, etc. one book stood out and provided us with an understanding of what we already knew but were afraid to accept. Another homeschool family suggested I read The Socialization Trap by Rick Boyer, a quick read and straight-to-the-point book, that helped bring everything together.
After reading it in only a couple of hours, it provided the wisdom we needed to have the confidence to step out of our comfort zone and homeschool our children!
Boyer writes about age-integration vs. age-segregation and the benefits of learning interpersonal relationships among siblings. We believe that God placed each child into this family to teach them the skills they need to accomplish the goal and plan He has for their lives.
We now have two children with special needs, with diagnoses ranging from the autism spectrum, to dyslexia, sensory processing disorder and auditory processing. Because of our family dynamics, our children are sensitive and aware of others with special needs. Would they have developed that sensitivity otherwise? Maybe, but I don’t believe it would be as strong.
My husband and I realized that as they grow and enter careers, whether in or outside their homes, chances are they won’t be grouped together in age-segregated offices. In our homeschool environment, they learn how to get along and communicate with others of different ages, abilities, and personalities. My younger children learn from our older children, which strengthens what they’ve learned from us.
Even our child on the spectrum, who once struggled significantly with social interaction, is thriving!
We love homeschooling our children and while there are benefits and advantages regarding customizing curriculum, we sometimes fail to explain the benefits of social interaction, too! In fact, once we really got going, socialization became a non-issue. It’s as though that’s the big hurdle folks deal with in the beginning, and it looks so daunting and vast. But once crossed, we hear them say, “Wow! That was it? That’s what intimidated me?”
And if still concerned, I was surprised by all of the events, co-ops, and other activities available to homeschooling families in our area.
If you’re looking for more, I created a list of favorite resources for those just starting out.
If you’re a homeschooling family, how do you handle the socialization question? And if you’re considering homeschooling, do you have concerns or doubts that are holding you back?
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I’ve heard that statement many times! In response, I just start listing all the activities my children are involved in. They are well socialized. I enjoyed reading this! It really made me laugh out loud! “Imagine a 7-month old that needed her mama”! It’s funny how we sometimes don’t realize the way we are thinking. I’m guilty!
Oh this is always what people say, how about their socialization skills. My husbands always informs them that our life is not a mono culture, we expect our children to learn to socialize with all ages not just with their peers. Then we say to them, do you think they are unable to socialize and they always no, they seem very well adjusted children, able to speak to others and especially with respect for elders. Thank you for sharing your resources with us. Blessings to you and your family.
As a homeschool graduate I was asked this question ALL the time in my teen years. When I mention homeschooling my daughter (3.5yo) it is still one of the first questions I’m asked. Thankfully there is a thriving homeschool group in my area. I was part of it, and my children will likely belong to it too. I also enjoyed 4-H and martial arts which are both fantastic activities we plan to do as a family. And lastly we belong to a great church with many young families. Our kids will be able to interact with people of all ages and backgrounds in those arenas. I love the comment about age-segregation. So true. Honestly I have very little worry about socialization coming from the background I did, but I totally understand why others worry. If the public school environment was all I knew I would probably question it too!
Thanks for your perspective.
We just were awarded a scholarship for our son who’s on the spectrum and it is specifically for homeschool education or private school education. We were planning on enrolling him in a private pre-k program but found out that at his age there is a stipulation that it cannot be use for tuition. My theory is that they don’t want the scholarship to be used to pay for day care. Since we found out that we had been awarded the scholarship we pulled him out of his public school pre-k program that day, I wasn’t prepared to start homeschooling him at that moment. Right now we are just doing worksheets, and reading books but I know this isn’t challenging enough for him. I can tell he’s wanting more some I looking to figure out what’s best for him. I’ve been reading through a few different books and am pretty sure that I know what I want to do with him. I was sharing this with my mom and she was shocked because she just assumed that we would use the scholarship to put him in private school next year. I have not decided that is what is going to be best for him or for us. Then as we are talking about it she asks but what about his socialization. Well, he’s in dance and there’s church, and we do things around our community on a regular basis. I’m so tired of always feeling like I have to defend my choices to my mom.
Thank you for this article. I enjoyed reading it as my 7-year-old son also has autism. He went to K-4 and his teacher recommended at the end of the year that I homeschool him to give him the one-on-one attention he needs. We did letter of the week and then MFW Kindergarten, but hit a wall because I felt like I was repeating everything over and over, but he wasn’t moving forward. He did well when I brought his older sister home for homeschool. They are closer now and play more together although they still have those sibling squabbles. I put my son in public school in January so he could get more stimulation. I think he was bored at home. He is in the special needs class (very hard for me to do since I see him as a smart boy). He seems to be doing well and gets to play with other kids more. Our homeschool group is very small and there is just now another family with kids at our church, so we don’t have the social opportunities that other families in larger towns might have. I just pray my son will learn to read and do math and take care of himself so he can thrive and be independent. He is persistent and memorizes well, just doesn’t always know how to apply the information. I love that he is a joyful, energetic child who loves to sing and swing as high as he can and bounce every ball he sees. Thank you again for the encouragement. Maybe we will try homeschooling him again at a later date. Blessings to you and your special needs child.