Of all the fun activities you plan for your children, have you considered an activity that fights grumbling?
Does the following sound familiar?
“Is the movie we’re going to in 3D? Oh, why not? I like it in 3D!”
“We only get TWO cookies? I want three!”
“But I wanted to swim for longer! Why do I have to get out NOW?”
Mothers, you know this feeling. You are trying to do something nice for your children, and your niceness is met with complaints. It wasn’t long enough, sweet enough, or big enough. When this happens to me (often) I find myself getting irritated, grumbling about my ungrateful children, and wondering if I should tell them about the children in the world who NEVER get cookies, or make them eat just rice for a day.
Mothers, how can we help our children appreciate what they have?
An Anti-Grumbling Activity
Children are not naturally grateful. (Then again, neither are adults.) It is natural for all of us to focus on what we lack, rather than being grateful for what we have. We do it so often, we don’t even know we are doing it. I grumble about my messy house, instead of thanking God for the people in it that made the mess. I grumble about my complaining children, instead of thanking God for their lives, their health, and for providing me with a teaching opportunity.
Here is a simple strategy for fighting the complaining habit in ourselves and in our children:
1. Draw attention to the complaints
2. Replace negative comments with positive comments.
3. Count your blessings together.
Here’s how we did it in our family:
Drawing attention to complaints
Whenever an unnecessary complaint is uttered by ANY member of the family (mother included) there is a consequence.
The consequence is not meant as a punishment, only as a reminder for directing our thoughts to “whatever is good.”
Replace negative comments with positive comments
I told my children, “Any time I hear you complain about something, you will sit at the table and write down two things you are grateful for.” If they complained about the food, I tried to help them think of two things they could thank God for about the food.
I had a stack of small sticky notes that I decided to use for this purpose. As the children used them to count their blessings, we hung them on the wall.
They didn’t stay.
We decided to use them as flower petals instead. (The inside is a paper plate.)
I found that our day went much more smoothly when we did this activity. When complaints came, instead of meeting them with another (probably ignored) lecture, I had a concrete activity for them to do that helped them learn gratitude.
Count your blessings together
We hung the flowers in the dining room, and at mealtime we counted our blessings again. I have to admit, it helped my own attitude, too.
Do you or your children have a habit of complaining?
Have you ever tried counting blessings with your children? What was the effect?
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Emily
Emily Cook is a child-wrangler, tree-climber, author, blogger and mother of six. She is often messy with other people's snot, and sin too, but God loves her anyway. She rejoices in the freedom of God's grace, knowing she may be weak now, but loved forever in Jesus.
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I love this! My oldest daughter (she’s almost 11), is a BIG complainer. She will always find something wrong with anything, and is constantly upset when every little thing doesn’t go her way. I find myself frustrated with her all the time and there are days where I’ve caught myself almost dismissing her legitimate complaints because she is ALWAYS complaining and I’ve just had enough. I’d like to know more about the “consequences” that you give for constant complaining. Please!!
Hi Josie!
It’s a constant battle at our house as well, but we’ve tried many things to help change attitudes! Sometimes the above activity helps; sometimes we do a family gratitude journal (not as a consequence but daily .. hoping ot head off some of the grumbling!) and honestly, my little boys respond best to physical consequences like running laps around the house!
I know what you mean about dismissing legit complaints too… it is hard to take a constant fusser seriously! Sometimes I try calling their bluff… “Well if you really are too tired to sweep the floor then I think you’d better go straight to bed…”
Must try this! Love Ann Voskamp’s gratitude thoughts and this goes right along! Thanks!
Brilliant! Looking for tools to combat this habit as it has become a problem in our home. These are great ideas. I have done the, “with every item you clean up name something you are thankful for” but with my oldest who can actually write, I will have her keep an attitude of gratitude journal too (instead of post its). Thanks for posting this!!!!