My children love to sing and joined the homeschool choir. After enjoying several concerts, an extra opportunity came up to perform near a major theme park, and they were excited. I was, too, until I saw that the performance was the same weekend as the homeschool conference.
Just as I decided that they wouldn’t be able to participate, a couple of things came to mind–I didn’t want them to be disappointed, and then there was this little voice in the back of my mind as I wondered what others would think of me for bowing out because of… a homeschool conference. Wasn’t their extra-curricular activity more important? So I canceled my trip.
I’d heard what some other homeschool moms said regarding them:
- I don’t need to go; I’m not a curriculum junkie.
- Only people who lack real determination go.
- Am I going to the conference? {cue giggling} No! They’re just money traps.
Yes, I know I have a problem being concerned about what other people may think of me. Any other first-borns relate?
But a couple of days before the concert, my little ones weren’t well, and I was exhausted both physically and mentally. Watching me wilt and toss and turn the night before the performance as I went over all the different ways I felt I was potentially messing up my kids’ education or not meeting the goals of my special needs children, my husband intervened.
In the pre-dawn hours (did I mention I was awake all night?) on the last day of the conference and the day of the performance, my husband took the children (who we thought were better) to their gig and sent me on my way! Why did I allow those voices and thoughts of others to so heavily influence my decision?
What did my children need of their mom? To hear the stories, be encouraged, and reminded that I’m equipped to teach, guide, and disciple these six young people.
I need to hear from and hug my friend Melanie {one of the sweetest gals I know} to glean wisdom from my friend Heather {if you ever doubt your ability to homeschool, you need to check out her blog}, to be encouraged by other moms and friends such as Heidi and Rachael, and all of the other veteran homeschool moms who’ve been there.
I was thankful for the few hours I had, but I wish I hadn’t wavered from my original plan. I left the conference encouraged, understanding that my children were thriving, and discovered new resources for my special needs children.
As my husband often tells me, “Be the mom!” What does your family need?
There’s freedom in embracing the family I’ve been given, to accept our uniqueness. I’ve determined to guard our calendar closely and to be more intentional with how we spend our days. While we can fill them with busyness and outside obligations and can even justify them as good activities for personal growth and development, my responsibility to ensure that the best things required are given top priority needs to remain top priority. And that needs to be handled without guilt or allowing myself to listen to lies.
I think of my friends who follow unconventional days–one homeschools her four special needs children. Using their days for therapies and activities, evenings are reserved for homeschooling. Another friend, who is incredibly structured and disciplined, begins their school day around 9:30 in the morning with bedtime at 11:00 pm. Thankfully, they don’t feel pressured or intimidated by another family I know who begins their day at 4 am!
Going beyond homeschooling, I see similar frustrations in the decision to breastfeed, whether to vaccinate, and even where to birth. It just spills over. Be the mom. Pray. Research. Ask questions. And when you know you’ve made a decision, be confident that you’ve made the best decision for your family.
Speaking of conferences, I’m thankful for ones, such as Teach Them Diligently, where the focus is on discipleship and is fantastic for both homeschooling families and even those who aren’t. If you’re a new homeschool family or looking for an event to inspire your vision, I highly recommend them!
How about you? Do you ever allow yourself to fall into the comparison trap? How do you deal with it?
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You couldn’t have chosen a better conference to attend. I’m glad you were able to go, even for a little bit.
Mamas need encouragement, teaching, and time. Never let anyone else’s opinion, beyond your husband’s, sway your decisions…from a woman who did so for a while.
Thanks, Laurie! Yes! I’m so thankful that my husband stepped in and told me to go!