Enjoy this Guest article by Jenny Lee about how she found freedom from fear in her journey in motherhood.
“You’re parenting in fear.”
Those were the words I heard after just fifteen minutes in the counselor’s office.
And it hit me like a ton of bricks.
The anxiety crept up, the panic set in, and before I could start defending myself (as in rattling off the numerous reasons as to why said fear was present), I attempted to process it all instead.
It was then that I realized, she was right.
I’d become the mom who parented her children out of fear–the woman who was so scared of what the future might hold— and of what her kids would one day become. I was the mom who looked into the sweet faces of her precious children only to find herself consumed with worry over the poor choices they might make, the trouble they may find, as well as the temptations they’d face along the way.
What if they messed up? What if they made serious mistakes? What if they were unsuccessful in their endeavors–in their trials? What if they failed at life? Worse? What if it was my fault?
I was so caught-up in all of the “what-if’s”–the events that could happen—that my poor children were paying the price.
And Satan? Well, he was winning. Big time. I needed freedom from fear. I needed it badly. I needed it now.
Freedom From Fear: A Mother’s Journey
Friends, the reason I share this with you, and the purpose in describing my struggles. Well, it’s because I know I’m not alone. In fact, I’m fairly certain I’m not the only mama who has felt weighed-down by the pressures of parenting—freaked out by failure–scared of the future.
But you know what I figured out? These fears I’ve felt–these emotions I’ve done battle with? They’ve transpired because I wasn’t giving God enough credit. I wasn’t allowing Him to be the center of my efforts—the foundation of my parenting. I wasn’t listening to what He had to say. Know what else? I wasn’t trusting Him enough either. Rather, I was trying to do it all by myself…on my own…separate from my Creator. And it just wasn’t working.
“It’s time to enjoy motherhood, Jenny.”
Enjoying Motherhood
These words cut deep and rang true. They filled my eyes with tears because what she was saying—what this counselor was trying to tell me, was spot-on. Trying to control it all wore me down…I felt so tired of the fear that found its way inside. The worry, the anxiety, and all of the negative emotions I felt in raising my kids exhausted me—and I wanted to change.
I wanted to enjoy my children—to feel confident in what I was doing. I wanted to parent them without fear, and most importantly, I wanted the love I felt for my kiddos to mimic that of Christ’s: unconditional. Without reservation. Pure. True. I wanted freedom from fear.
I wanted to surrender my worries for something better— freedom from my fears, as well as a deep, abiding trust in my Heavenly Father.
You see, friends, God’s got this. He’s got us–you, me, and each one of our beautiful children. He’s in control. He’s on that throne. Let’s trust in Him…let’s learn to let go.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. -Joshua 1:9
Tell me, friends: have you struggled with this too? Has fear consumed you in your role as a mama? You too can find freedom from fear in your parenting, your spiritual life, your marriage, and every aspect of life.
Less stress, more peace.
A simple, 5 day series with clear, actionable steps you can begin today to become a more peaceful and joyful mom.
You just put my first 6 years of parenting down in one blog post! Thank you for shining a light on the truth.
I understand, Laurie! This post covers my first ten years of parenting. Hoping to do better in the next half. 😉
I am a product of being raised in fear. And it’s not easy. On one hand you are being taught to trust the Lord, do your best and leave the rest to Him, and on the other, you see that your parents don’t leave anything in His Hands. It is a confusing message, one that will leave a deep impact on your faith. The best way to teach Faith is to have Faith and practice Faith. Thanks Jenny for this article! It came at a much needed time!
Thank you for sharing this, truestory. Gosh, parenting is so hard, right? It feels like I’m always taking one step forward and then two steps back. Giving it all to God.
Hugs!
Such a great post! This is exactly how I feel so often! With the power of the Spirit in me I am trying to form new habits of thinking about my parenting. Praying that I would relax and just enjoy my children. I have a little poster reminder on my nightstand right now (not sure where I got it) that simply says “They’re Yours”. My children belong to God first and foremost and He loves them more than I ever could imagine! Such simple words with such profound meaning. I will be reading your words of truth again as a reminder to trust God with these precious blessings – and to remind me Satan does not have power!
I love that visual reminder, Jolene. Beautiful.
Hit the nail on the head. So how did you work towards overcoming this struggle?
Tanya, I’m working on it every day. It’s a struggle I deal with all of the time too. It’s not easy and my first inclination is to worry, fret and freak out. I have to continually pray over and over again. I have to keep telling myself that God Loves them even more than I do.
HUgs.
This is 100% me! Sad but true! I’m so very tired of living this way!:(
Me too, Alison. Hugs.
Wow! A revelation! Control is not my problem… It is fear! Thank you for helping me to see.
Lisa, fear and guilt are the tools the Enemy uses to attack our mama hearts. Oftentimes we don’t realize it’s him either….
I am struggling with this. I have so much fear that I am not being a good enough mommy to my 3 year old. It’s so hard for me to have wisdom in the moment to know how to handle his rebellious behavior at times. I compare myself often to my friend who seems to know exactly what to say to her kids to get them to behave. My son is smart and sweet but can be head strong. I realize I compare him too much to my friend’s children out of fear, I am not doing something right to teach him the lessons he needs to learn. He is so bright he stumps me sometimes. I am trying to remember that God has allowed me to be his mommy for a reason. That there is something I can offer him that someone else can’t. This post reminds me not to compare myself or him to my friend and her kids. I want my son to know I support him and will ask God to fill in the gaps for me when I fall short. Thank you so much for sharing this. It has truly brought me comfort to read this. I will go back to it often as a reminder.
I so understand, Cathy. Comparison is hard not to do…especially when it seems like others aren’t dealing with the battles you face on a daily basis. I’ve compared myself a lot on this journey. A lot. And it’s made me oh-so-miserable.
I like to think that when my child is head strong, defiant, and just plain ornery…that those are the gifts God’s given him to one day channel, and use as an adult. It keeps me sane, girl. And sanity is such a good thing.
You’re an awesome mama. Believe that. Know it.
Hugs!
i live with fear every day! The hard part for me is when my prayers go unanswered. I know there is a reason and God is in control, but still it’s hard to watch your adult children fall again and again. It seems my oldest son’s free will is quite strong. I am now living the what ifs and temptations, it seems he’s found them all.
The teenage years are upon me and I’ve felt this way for the last two years with my oldest. It’s been the hardest two years of my life. Thank You so much for this!