I have three. Three boys.
Born into a large family of only girls (five lovely ladies), I didn’t know what to expect when I learned my second child was a boy. I immediately called my best friend and cried to her, “What am I going to do? You have to help me!”
“You’ll be OK,” she replied through muffled laughter.
While I taught boys during my teacher days, I’d never parented a boy and was more than a little uncertain of my abilities.
My first boy was very laid back, my second boy was the complete opposite, and my third boy threw me for a loop. I have the privilege of mothering three strapping, very different, boys, rearing them as future leaders in this world.
Yes parenting boys is very different compared to girls. They have an inborn sense of adventure, curiosity, and rough-housing that I hadn’t witnessed in their sisters.
Sometimes I wonder if we’re parenting them incorrectly, since they’re so uniquely different, and because two of our boys have special needs.
Having worked on a project with Melanie Young, a mother to six boys, and meeting Melanie and her husband, Hal, at the Teach Them Diligently conference, I knew they held wisdom we needed! After I bought their entire CD collection, I was also blessed to receive a review copy of their book Raising Real Men: Surviving, Teaching, and Appreciating Boys.
With Melanie at the TTD conference.
My husband listened to the CDs and I read the book. (I highly recommend the mom and dad special.)
Even though we’ve always been supportive of our boys, reading the chapters convicted my heart as a mama to these fellas. Everything from allowing the odd “superhero” (vs. a real life hero) into our day to how I react when I see one of the boys struggling and my “nurturer mother” self steps in to help, caused me to reflect on a few things.
In reality, I want my boys to have real-life heroes to look up to. And it’s a joy to see how they stand up a little straighter and beam with accomplishment when they’ve helped mama around the house by opening my door, carrying in groceries, or building a fire after hearing that mama is cold. Even my two-year-old son works diligently to carry bags that are bigger than his entire body into the house.
Our Father made our boys to grow up to be leaders. They will lead in the world and lead in the church. Even those who aren’t called to lead the church and never have the opportunity to lead the community, those who seem destined to be subordinate will still lead their families. (pg. 102)
The Youngs cover topics such as stewardship, appropriate ways to disciple, encouraging chivalry (manners), and preparing for marriage and the world. There’s even a chapter on kitchen duty!
The chapter that made me jump up and down with excitement the most was “Your Own School for Boys.” If you’re a mama to a special needs son, read and re-read this chapter. And then read it again!
Every few sentences I told my husband, “It’s like I’m reading about our own sons! This is amazing!” While my oldest son has an autism diagnosis, it was inspiring to read how other typical boys share many of his developmental delays and “quirks.”
If your young man struggles with developmental delays, ADHD, hyperactivity, etc., you’ll find this chapter an encouragement.
Overall, reading the book reinforced the tremendous responsibility of bringing up boys. It reminded me of how their needs are much different from our daughters’, and the importance of making sure we meet those needs.
A concluding note for fathers from my husband:
I’ve read plenty of Christian enrichment books, so when my dear wife passed me yet another, I embraced it, albeit with a little reluctance. You know what it’s like–work through ten chapters to uncover the one truth we’re expected to take away from our time in the pages (or CDs in my case). The biggest surprise about this book? It’s refreshingly different from those works which adorn the shelves of the Christian book stores.
As opposed to a single message, what I experienced was something akin to Proverbs. Section after section with bite-sized gems to chew on make this unlike the typical “read and discard” experience. Rather, it is a reference you want to go back to time and again for advice and encouragement.
If you are fortunate enough to have the audio version, this CD set makes a great drive-to-work companion. It is also a great way to begin your day or prepare for your evening family time. In short, if you’re able to get ahold of this book, you won’t regret it.
To learn more about the Youngs and their ministry, visit their site, find them on Facebook, and follow them on Twitter.
If you’re looking for great audiobooks for your sons, ours enjoy listening to the Hero Tales from American History.
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I’m glad you found such a useful book! This is a really important point:
While my oldest son has an autism diagnosis, it was inspiring to read how many of his developmental delays and quirks are seen in other typical boys.
I’m a developmental psychologist, so I know quite a bit about normal development and variations. My son went to preschool and now public school, and through first grade I was in his classroom for a few minutes every day noticing the other kids, which helped me to see what is typical. When you homeschool, it can be more difficult to get a sense of what’s within the range of normal vs. truly problematic. I have a friend whose kids are cyber-schooled and academically very precocious and motivated, but she believes that both of them are high-functioning autistic. Her son is the same age as mine, and I find that when we get together, a lot of his behaviors she apologizes for, has elaborate methods for discouraging, and believes to be pathological are behaviors I take for normal in my son and his peers! She thinks they’re problematic because her only basis for comparison is her older child, who is (a) a different person, (b) 6 years older, so the mom may not recall accurately what she was like at this age, (c) a girl, and (d) believed to have special needs. Good books and ways of discussing with other parents are important to understanding what’s normal.
Very good point, Becca! My second son battles aphasia due to oxygen deprivation during L&D, and I spend a lot of time doing speech and processing therapy with him. It is so encouraging to both of us when we get out and about with others and are reminded that we ALL struggle to “find the right word” from time to time and we better see his progress than when just evaluating within the limited bounds of our household.
I agree that it’s super to see them around others and recently, I took him to his first social gathering with friends, while I stepped away. It was a huge milestone for both of us.
My husband took him to a group last year and his perception was that it only pronounced his struggles. Fortunately, our young man had no idea and happily did his thing. It was very difficult for my husband to see him struggle though.
But as he’s gotten older and has continued therapy, he’s overcome some of the social road blocks he encountered before.
He tested out of therapy when he was five and we looked at him as though he was then typically developing but as he got older, he was referred to another visit with the Pyschologist who recommended he return to therapy to focus on other areas and is now progressing again. 🙂 Fortunately the doctor was very supportive of our homeschooling and encouraged us to continue. (I was nervous about her thoughts when I took him in).
He’s a very intelligent little boy and is eager to interact with others. He’s also a very literal thinker, which may lead to social awkwardness at times. But I think it’s that literal thinking that goes hand-in-hand with his excellent observation skills. 🙂 He notices details and the tiniest of differences that the rest of the family may entirely overlook.
Great post! I have three sons, and grew up with 3 brothers and no sisters. I enjoy raising boys so much! Raising Real Men is a great book – so helpful and encouraging (as you aptly illustrated here).
I’m visiting from Welcome Home Wednesday at Raising Arrows.
Thanks for visiting, Jenni. 🙂 I think my oldest son was definitely a little spoiled as he was the first boy to be born into the family since my Dad. 😉
I love being blessed with boys (and girls, too). It makes for a wonderful variety. 🙂
This post about raising boys was great. I have 3 boys and am expecting our 4th, so I do not have any girls to compare. I love the energy that my boys bring to the house, all of the rough housing, superhero play, knights/and castles etc. brings out their individual talents and interests. I also homeschool and from that angle they each hold their own learning style and God given gifts. Boys and moms have a special bond that I feel can never be broken. Even though I get looks and comments like ” you must have a lot of energy” or ” I don’t envy you” having boys to me means that God entrusted me with the special job of saying boys are great and in a lot of ways easier.
I so wish I could afford to buy a copy of this book. I have four boys 6 and under and struggle daily with knowing whether or not I’m raising them right.
I heard Melanie speak at TTD last year and I honestly was in tears about 5 minutes into her talk. She so understands what it means to be a mom of boys and how exhausting it can be at times. Thanks for your review of this book! And thanks, also for sharing at Family Fun Friday.