I see the world different.
No, I don’t have special needs or any known learning disabilities. But I see the world different – because I look at the world through the eyes of a little boy who has Asperger Syndrome.
A little boy who looks “normal” (whatever that means). A little boy who is turning into a young man.
A young man who will see the world different than you and I.
Asperger Syndrome comes in all shapes and sizes, like most things on the Autism spectrum. I find myself blessed knowing that my son falls on the “high functioning” side of Asperger. Looking at him, he appears normal. If you saw him among his friends, he would probably appear fine.
Appearances can hide so many things.
Like the fact that socially, he does better with kids younger than him. While most sixth grade boys are into sports and video games, mine still loves to build with Lego. While other boys his age are starting to be interested in girls, mine still sees them as yucky (and I am not complaining there!).
When he looks at the world, he sees things very black and white. He wants rules – and he desires for them to be followed.
When the norm is broken, it breaks him.
He doesn’t look so “normal” then.
His hands clench tight, His baby blue eyes go to steal grey. He cries. The frustration is evident in his body language and the lack of words.
The older he gets, the more he sees these things.
He also has favorite topics. He would love to chat with you (once he gets to know you), but you will never find him off of the topics that he loves. For my boy, that is cars, tools and building. He appreciate things that are consistent.
When he looks at the world, he often sees chaos.
Oh sweet boy, now that I look through your eyes, I see it too. I see the world the way you see it.
When I think of my son with Asperger, I often thank God for giving him this view on the world. Yes, he sees things different from the “average” person. Yet, I often wonder if it isn’t the way the Lord sees it.
When God looks at our world, the chaos we have created. All because we choose to break the only rule He gave us. It was a black and white objective- “Don’t eat of it, or you will die.” Adam and Eve took of the tree, they ate, and we began to die.
Our worlds lost the black and white, and now we live in an area of grey.
Grey is a confusing color. It is a mixture of black and white.
Our world has turned grey, a mixture of what is right and wrong.
So, when I look at the world, I am thankful for the perspective I gain by looking at it through the eyes of my son. I get frustrated when things that should be right are considered wrong- and the wrong is often considered right. It makes me want to clinch my first and cry.
Instead, I hold fast to the promises that God is in this. That God is working and moving.
That God can turn the grey to white.
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That is so true. Wish others could see through their eyes.
Oh, Mandy! As a mom of a son with Asperger’s Syndrome, this post touches my heart. You explain so beautifully what I often have a hard time saying when others ask about my son. I know they want to understand, but really no one can unless they have a child with Asperger’s.
My blog started out of my son’s diagnosis with Asperger’s Syndrome. He also has other diagnosis’ of OCD and ADD. I poured out my heart and the struggle to accept these diagnosis’ in the beginning days of my blog. There are days that are harder than others, but God’s grace is always with me.
Thank you for sharing! It’s nice to have other moms in my life who understand.
Sweet blessings,
Laurie
I hear your sweet mama’s heart and know that your son is blessed in his mama.
My son is 41 and has Asperger’s Syndrome only we didn’t know that until 10 years ago, so he didn’t benefit from the understanding you offer your son.
I agree about single-mindedness when it comes to topics to talk about !!
My son has almost completed a doctorate on music of the Ottoman Court…which so few people are even interested in, so I get to be the listener, mostly.
May God bless you as you raise your son.
Mary, New Zealand.